Lead Us Not
by asterisms
Summary: They told him that all he had to do was walk down the road and he would discover the power to defeat Voldemort, but soon the pain became too much and he gave in to the apathy of the darkness. He let himself fall.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Lead Us Not

**Author: **bats-in-boots

**I don't own Harry Potter.**

**A/N: **Ok, there isn't really a back story… So you can make up how he got here. Some of the ideas in here are influenced by many different things while others are completely made up on the spot. So… yeah… Nothing here is meant to offend anyone; it is just something I decided to write down. I don't think there's anything too bad but that's just me.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter One<span>

Harry felt like he had been walking down the road for hours. The sun burned against his torn skin and his blood fell like rain to the ground. He winced as another piece of gravel stuck to his foot but kept on walking. He didn't look to the side because he knew what he would see. All around him would be fresh green grass swaying in a non-existent breeze and water flowing alongside him. Tempting him, swaying him, _tainting _him. So he resisted the siren call of his imagination and stayed strong.

In the beginning it was easy. They had told him that all he had to do was walk down the road and he would find the strength to finally defeat Voldemort. But the road had yet to end, and the farther along he got the stronger his doubt became. He felt as if he was walking in a desert, alone in a land of death and hopeless dreams. But there were times when he didn't feel alone, no, it was worse than being alone.

Whenever he happened to see the beautiful garden on either side he could feel something walking beside him, pulling and calling him to rest. _Just give in, _it whispered to him, _you know you want to. _And he did want to. He wanted to drink the water until he couldn't take another drop and feel the cool wind soothe his burning, searing wounds.

Just one look, he told himself as another line of broken flesh began to weave its way down his arm.

_Yes, _the voice whispered, _just one look and you don't need to be alone again. _So he gave in to the longing and turned his head. And that one simple action almost ruined it all. He longed desperately for release from the endless torment, to escape the torturous road. The next decision was easiest choice he had ever made. He stopped walking and just watched the grass as flowers grew from nothing and playful wind pulled him closer. He took one step and stopped.

No, he told himself, I refuse to give in. I will not fall. So he turned again and started walking, but with each step the longing got stronger.

_Don't leave, _the voice whispered, _stay with us. Stay with me and be free. _Free, such a strange word. Does true freedom ever truly exist? _Yes, _the voice stayed with him, _follow me and I will give you true freedom. Follow me and you can have anything. _Harry was ashamed to say he didn't fight. He gave in and soon was among the wildflowers and sweet crystal clear water. The breeze pulled at his hair and he let himself fall into the grass.

He soon lost himself in the feeling and gave up all semblance of thought or will, content to be forever trapped in his apathy. He wondered at the lack of pain before the voice returned.

_There is no room for such pointless suffering in my world, _the voice told him. And he accepted it, what reason did he have to question it. He stood slowly and wandered through the wilderness. He could feel the thorns tearing at his skin, and yet there was no pain. All he could feel was some strange yet terrible peace. Why doesn't it hurt?

He watched the blood fall as he pondered this. He was a he, wasn't he? Did he even exist? How did he even get here?

_Relax, _the voice hissed, the sound echoing all around. It was horrifying but he wasn't scared. He didn't know fear anymore. _Relax, you are mine now, and I will give you anything you could ever want. _Want? He thought. Why would he want anything?

He glanced around and was almost surprised as the flowers began to crumble to dust and the rivers and pools of water dry into cracked earth. Soon all that was left was a barren, cold _place. _He heard the voice chuckle again and fell to the ground as it began to shake and crumble beneath him. Then he began to fall into the nothing.

As soon as he stopped falling he looked up from where he kneeled on the ground and gaped. Sitting on a throne of rotten wood was the most terrifying and empty creature he had ever seen.

It flashed its teeth in a terrible mockery of a smile and grabbed him by the neck_._ The thing stared into his eyes for what seemed like eternity, seemingly reading his very soul before dropping him to the ground and towering above him. _I know I will not keep you forever, _it hissed, _but I imagine that it will be a while before you leave. Enjoy your stay Fides. _Then the creature disappeared and he was left alone in the chamber of hate and fear.

He didn't feel a thing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Lead Us Not

**Author: **bats-in-boots

**I don't own Harry Potter. **

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Two<span>

He didn't know how long he'd been in this place. It was never ending and full of other people. He could see them, but he could never reach out and touch them or even hear them speak. It was as if he was trapped behind an invisible wall. Even with the isolation he still didn't feel anything. He knew that there was pain, and that he experienced it often, he just didn't _feel_ it. He didn't let himself feel it.

He hadn't seen the terrible creature with its rotten throne since the first day, and he was relieved. Even without fear, there was a part of him that hated this place, a part of him that knew the creature was evil. He didn't like being trapped within the crowds so he constantly searched for somewhere that he could be alone. He had finally found a place where nobody else ever went, and this is where he spent most of his time.

It was barren and cold, _burning, _and he often lost himself in his thoughts. It was there that he found the man. Well, the man found him.

"Hello, Harry Potter." The boy on the ground looked up in shock at the voice, a real, _human _voice. He hadn't heard anything but his own screams and the creature's terrible laughter since he had stepped foot into the terrible garden by the road.

"Hello," he answered. The man nodded and crouched down next to him as if afraid to touch the ground.

"What, if I may ask, are you doing here?" Harry looked at the man in confusion. He was sitting. Wasn't he? "No," the man spoke, as if reading his thoughts. "I mean what are you doing _here_?" This Harry understood.

"I walked off of the road." He said, shuddering at the phantom pain that he felt rippling through his body. The man narrowed his eyes and looked away. It was silent for a long while before he finally spoke again.

"You don't belong here." Harry opened his mouth to interrupt; whether it was to agree or disagree he didn't know, but the man continued. "I know it, you know it, and He knows it." Harry looked away. The man was right. He felt shame wash over his body and bowed his head; he didn't want the man to be with him anymore.

"I know," his voice cracked, "but how do I escape?" The man tilted his head as if listening to someone whisper in his ear before he closed his eyes in pain.

"You must feel," he whispered. Harry felt his own eyes widen in disbelief. He had to feel? He closed his eyes and opened himself back up to the emotions, the _pain_, that he had escaped and bit his lip to stop from crying out.

"But it hurts so much." His voice was broken and seeking reassurance.

"I know," the man said, his eyes alight with suppressed pain and suffering. "I know… But that's the point. The moment you walked off of that road you lost something. And you only realized it when you fell." Harry looked away when he heard this. It was true, all true. It burned and tore at him restlessly, a hole as if his heart had been torn out. Something was missing that he hadn't even known was there. Something important, something _more. _He wanted it back; he would give anything to have it back. And even as he sat next to another person, he realized what it truly meant to be alone.

He looked up when the man stood to walk away and called out. "Wait!" The man turned. "What's your name?" The man frowned and sighed.

"I have many names, I was many things. I was a servant, a friend, a _brother. _But now, now I am known as the betrayer." And with those words he disappeared back into the darkness. Harry stared after him for a while before shaking his head and standing up. The feelings, the pain, and the longing were all back. But this time he longed for something different. He wanted that presence and acceptance back.

It hurt to be alone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** Lead Us Not

**Author: **bats-in-boots

**I don't own Harry Potter. **

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Three<span>

Harry sprinted through the labyrinth of tunnels, desperately searching for a way out. The ache in his heart and soul had only gotten worse and he didn't know how much longer he would be able to hold on.

He could feel them chasing him, his every fear and doubt close behind. They wanted him to stay trapped in this eternal isolation. But he refused, even the creature from before knew he wouldn't stay forever.

So he ran. He ran through crowds of people and dodged their empty hands that reached out to grasp his clothes. They reached out and cried to him, begging and pleading for a second chance.

Ever since he had acknowledged the fact that he didn't belong here, he was able to hear their cries and feel them as they brushed past. It never stopped and he could feel himself going insane. He just wanted to escape.

"Please, child! Save me. Save me," an old man called out to him. "I didn't mean it, I take it back. Just take me with you!" Harry shook his head and backed away. I cant, he wanted to say, it's impossible.

"Why?" screamed a woman who fell to her knees and cried for mercy. "Why? Why have you forsaken me?" Her screams echoed through the cavern, and as he tore through the begging people he felt like he was going to be sick. Their cries for mercy became his and every pain they felt was soon known by him as well.

But he refused to complain and fall to the ground again. He would not give up; he would not become another empty soul trapped in this eternal place. He dashed past a doorway before stopping and turning to look inside. He could see a light filtering through the ground above.

He glanced around before ducking inside. He couldn't be caught escaping. Who knows what the creature would do. As soon as he entered the room the doorway sealed behind him and a golden stairway formed. He walked up to it on shaking legs and placed his foot upon the first step.

But it only passed through. Harry fell to his knees and tried desperately to touch the stairs, he needed them to escape. He needed them to end the pain. And most of all, he needed them to feel that _presence, _that something that had been ripped away.

As soon as that thought formed, the stairs became solid. He nearly cried in relief and stood up to climb to the top. One step after another he began to ascend the staircase. And with each step the pain in his heart began to lessen, but the physical pain that he had left up above began to return.

He could feel the blood flowing again and refused to give up even as his old wounds began to tear through his skin again. He clenched his fists as the pain laced down his arms and bit his lip to stop his screams from escaping.

He was nearly halfway up when the sealed doorway below him shattered and the same creature that had welcomed him tore through.

_No, _it screamed, and this time Harry was afraid. It threw itself into the air and grabbed him. _You are mine now. And you will not leave! _Harry tried desperately to get the vile thing away from him. He was closer than ever before and he could feel the hate and fear rolling off of the thing. As he stared at it he couldn't help but think that it had once been something similar to human. But now it was a monster. Its eyes were so empty, something that was reflected in the eyes of every being trapped with it.

He fought through the doubts that came with the thing being so close. It brought back memories of Sirius falling and his uncle's laughter as he was locked under the stairs. With every breath the monster took from him he felt his old fears rise closer to the surface and the pain only got worse.

_Don't go Fides. You know what is up there. So much pain and suffering, but with me you could be free of it. _Harry shook his head; he would not give in to the horrid beast now that he was so close to escaping it.

_You are alone, Fides, and nothing will save you. _When those words filtered through to his brain Harry snapped. He was _alone. _

"No!" he cried as the stairs began to fade. The wounds too began to disappear but the presence was not leaving. So he held onto it, for it gave him the strength to know the truth.

_What is this? _The creature hissed as he was forced away from the boy by some unknown power. _No! You are mine! _Harry closed his eyes and surrounded himself with the feeling, the _love, _of whatever had saved him. He felt the stairs become solid again, and looked down to see the color returning, powered by the love and belonging he felt coursing through him. Immersing himself in that feeling completely, he stared straight into the creatures dull, lifeless eyes.

"You're wrong," he said, "and I feel sorry for you." And he did. The thing that crouched at the bottom of the stairs would never truly experience what he felt. He was sorry for it because it made the wrong choice, and it didn't even know.

And as he ran up the stairs, he couldn't help but feel that the pain and suffering was worth it. Because along with the pain was something sacred that he refused to give up. With that thought he burst into the light again. He was free, and he would finish what he had started. He was at the beginning of the road again, but this time he would not give in.

He would never be alone again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** Lead Us Not

**Author: **bats-in-boots

**I don't own Harry Potter.**

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Four<span>

The last time he had walked down the road, all he had wanted was for it to end, but now he was willing to walk forever. And it was that which saved him. Right before his eyes he could see another garden forming. But this, this was _real._

He could feel the warmth and love calling and comforting him. It soothed his burns and healed his heart beyond what the presence had already fixed. He soon came upon a large, almost transparent gate. He reached out to touch it and his fingers met something solid before moving past.

He pulled his hand away and stared at the shimmering light that was already fading underneath his skin. With careful steps he walked through the gate and was met with the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.

Standing before him were four people. He felt tears of joy run down his face and knew his smile mirrored the ones he saw before him. It was as if he had left all of his troubles behind him when he walked through the gate, and there was only room for love.

He ran into the arms of his parents and hugged them just as strongly as they did him. He looked past them to see Sirius smiling at him, with Cedric standing just behind. He pulled away and nodded at them. No words were needed.

They led him to a fountain that shone in the light given off by the very stones themselves and pulled him into one last hug before leaving. It was bitter-sweet to see them go, but he knew in his heart he would see them again.

He turned when he saw a light coming towards him and trembled in awe at the person before him. A man stood with his arms open wide, laughter visible in his eyes and a smile on his face. Harry felt himself drawn to the man and almost ran into his arms. He was ashamed when he felt more tears run down his face and moved to pull away but the arms just tightened around him.

"You have done well, child," and where the creature's voice had been empty and cold, this man's voice was so full of love and warmth that he couldn't help but be comforted. "I always knew you would find me." Harry finally pulled away and looked at the man before him.

His very being seemed to glow, and hope was almost tangible in his presence. But his eyes, they were so full of fire and life that Harry couldn't stand to look away. He was startled out of his thoughts when another man appeared. This time it was the man from down below.

"Hello, my friend," the man with the burning eyes spoke, "I have been waiting to see you again."

"Yes," answered the other, "as have I. I-I'm sorry." Here the speaker looked down, too ashamed to meet the other's eyes.

"Don't be, my friend, my _brother_, you have nothing to be ashamed of. We all had a part to play, and yours was chosen long before your time." His voice was almost sad. Harry didn't understand what was going on. He stared between the two in confusion before deciding that it didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore, he was _home. _

"I see you have made it, Harry Potter," the man from below spoke, "I always knew you would, just as I knew I would be the one to help you." Harry nodded at the man and he continued. "I was waiting for what seemed like an eternity for my time to come, and you have freed me, for this I am grateful." Harry swallowed and turned away.

"You don't need to be grateful," he said. The man simply smiled before bowing to the other man and wandering away with a spring in his step, as if a great burden had been lifted off of his shoulders. Harry watched him disappear before turning back to the other man.

"I am sure you have questions," the man said, "why don't you walk with me." Harry nodded and trailed behind the man until he was guided to his side. They stayed silent, just watching the people around them and listening to the happy chattering and laughter as Harry built up the courage to speak.

"Why did I-," Harry trailed off, unsure if he was allowed to ask. The man just smiled in understanding.

"Why did you have to walk down that road?" Harry nodded. "You needed to discover your strength." Harry opened his mouth to ask another question, but the man predicted his words and had already started again. "You fell because you needed to understand what you had, the consequences of letting that go, and the power that it has." Harry sighed and looked away before asking his next question.

"Why did it have to hurt so much?" he asked in a broken whisper. The man reached over to tilt his head up and Harry was surprised to see the wisdom and understanding in his gaze.

"You had to suffer because it is through suffering that true life is found. You can not have happiness without first experiencing sadness, and it has been said that you can not truly appreciate peace until you have suffered." The man looked over at the boy beside him, waiting for his to speak.

"I understand," Harry spoke softly. And he did, there would always be suffering, nothing would change that. But he could live with it, and become stronger because of it.

"Now," the man spoke, "the time has come for you to return." And indeed it had, for they had come to the gates once again, only this time Harry knew.

He wasn't sad to leave because he knew he didn't have to be alone ever again. And as he walked back towards his destiny he was not afraid. He would return home someday.

Of this he was sure.


End file.
